“Can I use the law of attraction to manifest a specific person?”
It’s literally the most common manifestation question I get asked!
In witchcraft, spells to get an ex back or make a particular someone besotted with you are the most sought after – and have been for centuries.
This question is loaded. There are so many energetics involved, particularly when it comes to love, so we’re going to tackle it once and for all.
Can you use the law of attraction to manifest a specific person/get your ex back/get him/her to text you?
The answer is an incredibly tentative maybe.
Can you manifest them popping up in your life, contact with them or someone in their circle? Can you manifest an old flame resurfacing in some way? If your vibration is an energetic match to theirs, it’s certainly possible.
But what about manifesting a whole romantic relationship with someone? That’s a little more tricky.
It’s a question of how their energetics matches your own, important things to consider from a self love perspective, and how this works with the principles of manifestation.
Let’s dive into the energetics.
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You can only manifest an intention from YOUR own energy
You can only manifest from your energy, and you cannot manifest for someone else, meaning that you can’t use your energy to tamper with the free will of another person, or directly change the course of someone else’s life.
It’s going to be struggle street if you try to manifest a feeling out of someone, because whether we’re talking about the law of attraction or basic psychology, you can’t force someone to feel a certain way, or to have contact with you if they aren’t ready or willing.
Love is like passing gas. If you try to force it, you’ll just make a mess.
If you don’t believe me, think about your energy when you rocked up somewhere out of obligation and felt shitty and sulky about it the whole time. Now think about your energy when there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.
The number #1 most important thing when it comes to manifesting love
Here’s something I wish I could go back in time and tell myself in my teens (and in my 20s):
Honey, the absolute non-negotiable, #1 thing that should be AT THE TOP of your list when manifesting your dream partner is that they are 150% head over heels batshit crazy in love, smitten, twitterpated with you!!!!!!
(Not in like a crazy Fatal Attraction way.)
If I had a dollar for every tear I’ve wasted on boys who wouldn’t so much as look up when I walked past them, I would be writing this from my Malibu mansion.
And then I met my husband, who couldn’t resist approaching me as I was stuffing my mouth full of licorice jellybeans (blue teeth and all) and we have been inseparable ever since.
The love you deserve – NO EXCEPTIONS – is the love that comes to you of its own free will, freely, abundantly, and unconditionally.
You are worthy of that. You deserve that! Anything less is a waste of your time, your energy, and your heart.
If you have to work to convince a person to be with you, they’re the wrong person!
When it comes to calling in your lover, the most important thing is to know and be certain of your worth and what you have to bring to the table. To the right person, you are golden, honey, let me tell you!
Sure, love requires both parties to make the odd compromise, or to correct hurtful behaviour, or to have healthy boundaries. HOWEVER: You don’t have to change who you are to “fit” someone else.
You don’t have to be anybody you’re not. The Universe wants to bring you someone who loves you for YOU, just as you are.
It wants to align you with the person who is BEST for you, what you want, the direction you’re headed in, and your growth.
It’s not your job to judge the how and the who
When you declare your intention to the Universe, it’s true that you’ve got to get specific about what you want! Buuuuut the how and the who is not up to you!
When you’re writing your list (after you’ve written ‘my lover is 150% head over heels batshit crazy in love with me’), think about this specific person in your crosshairs right now.
What are his/her qualities that I love?
What is it about his/her physical appearance that sets my heart on fire?
(if it’s your ex, a close friend) What kind of relationship/connection did we share? What was it about our lifestyle together that I miss and want back?
What kind of relationship would we have in the future?
Now, forget about that specific person for a second.
It’s time to think about you. Remember you?
What do YOU want in a romantic partner? How do YOU envision the perfect relationship and future for that relationship? How do you want to be supported? Loved? Encouraged to grow?
Do your best to put this specific person out of your mind. When we get hung up on someone, sometimes we can tend to (even subconsciously) try to pigeonhole and squish ourselves into the shape of their ideal partner.
But really? It’s not who we are, and/or we don’t want the same things, and eventually the jig will be up. Trying to be someone you’re not will ultimately lead to unhappiness.
So who are you, what do YOU want from your life and your relationship, and what does that look like?
What are your deal breakers and your non-negotiables? (Craft your response in positive terms e.g. instead of “it’s a deal breaker if he doesn’t want to commit”, say “he is ready for marriage and commitment”.)
What you want and need from a relationship is every bit as important as the wants and needs of anybody else on this planet! So, don’t censor and allow that ink to flow.
Now, think about why you want that person and their energy in your life.
What would it give me to have all of those things?
What kind of person would I be in that relationship?
What feelings do I associate with that?
That feeling is your core intention! That is what you are really chasing.
It’s not, in fact, that specific person themselves (although I know it seems that way, and that is okay for now). It’s the feeling you think you would have if you were together.
So why not feel that way right now? If in this scenario you envision he buys you flowers, buy your own hot ass some flowers!
If she compliments you and says “I love you” all the time, be around people who lift you up. Tell yourself in the mirror every day what you wish your dream lover would say to you.
(Option: Alternatively, or in addition, pay genuine compliments to others when you feel called, and make sure to tell the people in your life how you feel.)
The most liberating day of my life was the day I realised I don’t need a romantic partner in order to feel loved, romanced, and fulfilled. It’s a journey, but I promise it’s worth it.
When you’re aligned, if that specific person at that stage of their life, is a perfect energetic match for your desires AND ALSO they truly want to connect with you, completely independent of your influence, it’s possible they’ll reappear.
HOWEVER if they are not an energetic/vibrational match for you, you’ll get tumbleweeds. But that’s okay, because ...
There is more than one person for everybody!
The words “soul mates” and “twin flames” get thrown around a lot these days.
These terms get dangerously misconstrued. The idea of soul mates can quickly lead to lack mentality, tunnel vision and seeing only one possibility for happiness.
Our “soul mate” or “twin flame” becomes a vehicle for our fulfillment. This is dangerous at best and downright destructive at worst – whether you end up with them, or not.
Because if all of a sudden the relationship breaks down, or Gods forbid, one of you dies, does that mean the other is doomed to be on their own the rest of their lives?
Of course not!
I’m going to do another post in more detail about this, but a soul mate isn’t just a romantic partner: our friends can be soul mates, our siblings can be soul mates, our pets can be soul mates, even our nemeses can be soul mates.
A soul mate is someone we’ve been to in a past life and/or another dimension. Other schools of thought (if you want to get really deep) suggest a soul mate is another incarnation of our own soul.
We’re extremely attracted to our soul mates and feel bonded to them, because we recognise them through soul attachment. That’s why we can meet someone and feel as if we’ve known them for lifetimes.
Soul mates help each other through soul assignments: lessons our souls must learn and understand in each lifetime, or experiences our soul must have through which to grow.
Sometimes, those lessons are lifelong love stories. Other times, soul mates stay in our lives long enough to teach us something important or give us an experience, and then they move on.
The connection isn’t less special or significant just because it ended. We may be meant to be with someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re meant to be with them forever. There is a difference!
We can have more than one soul mate in our lifetime: in fact, we may have several!
There are infinite possibilities in the Universe, and as of typing this post, there are 7.7 billion people on the planet right now. Close to 8 BILLION people.
Isn’t it possible that maybe – just maybe – more than one person, in fact, more likely more than 100 of them, could be the right one for you?
Believing there’s only one possible romantic future where you could possibly be happy robs you of the joy of love. It comes from lack: essentially saying to the Universe there’s only one possible way it can work for you.
And if you do end up attracting that person: it’s a lot of pressure to put on them – and on yourself. You’ll do all kinds of crazy shit wanting it to work, because if it doesn’t, what are you supposed to do now? You both deserve better.
Which leads me to my next point...
Your happiness is not in a person
Whether you want to call in someone specific or whether you just want to call in love in general, I cannot drum it home enough:
If your happiness is conditional upon circumstances outside of you, you’re setting yourself up for disaster and heartbreak.
NOBODY in this world is responsible for your happiness EXCEPT you. It is not their job.
Your job is to take care of your happiness FIRST and then bring that brightest, best self to the world: to your job, to your lover, to your family, your friends, and your community.
If you can’t feel happy as you are, where you are, then nothing that comes into your life will make you happy long term.
Because spoiler alert: you’ll just keep raising the bar.
I know, because I could write the book on living with “I’ll Be Happy When...” Syndrome. (Maybe I will.) As a recovering depressed/anxious person, here’s something important I’ve learned:
Your happiness is not in a person, a promotion, a paycheck, a house, or someone else’s approval.
Happiness is an inside job! It comes from within, and it’s up to you to take care of it, cultivate it, and bring it with you wherever you go.
To do that, you have to take care of YOU first. You have to do what lights you up, what makes you feel good, and what brings you happiness.
First of all, it’s attractive as all hell: not just to romantic partners, but to your life and the Universe too.
Second of all: it’s freeing. Because if other people are not responsible for your happiness, you aren’t responsible for theirs.
You’re free to be who you are, love the shit out of everyone, and live your life the way you want to, and it’s up to everyone else if they come to the party.
When you’re just happy being you and doing your thing, that’s when the real magic happens.
Detach from the outcome
Your crush might text you. Your ex may come back. And they also might not.
And you will be okay.
The Universe has your intention, it has your list, and it’s shifting the energy around you to bring you an manifestation of your list so perfect it will blow your socks off. I promise it’s going to be more fulfilling, amazing, and transformative than you could have possibly imagined and it will happen at the perfect moment.
In the meantime, practice detachment. Take yourself on dates. Soak in bubble baths. Journal. Hit the gym, hang out with your friends, and make sure you’re out there having a delicious time while the Universe fills your order.
Remember, it’s not your job to know the who and the how and the when. It’s your job to know the what, to make it clear to the Universe, and then just keep on living. It will sort out the rest: and there are probably dozens, if not hundreds, of people out there in the world who would fit everything on your list to the tee.
I mean, for all you know, the person who is a perfect match for you might not be the specific person you’re crushing on, but it could be Chris Evans. It could be a Hemsworth. You never know. Stay open!
A last word on exes
I promised myself that this would be a short post, but you know by now that I love writing War and Peace every time I sit down at my laptop and to be honest, I could write a lot more. Let me know if you’d like me to write a Part 2.
However, before I leave you, I just wanted to give a specific shout out to my readers who want to call in an ex.
Whether it happened an hour ago, or a year ago, your journey is unique to you and if you’re here, I’m guessing it’s been a delicate and/or painful one. Without knowing you personally, or the nature of your connection/relationship/breakup with your ex, let me first of all send my genuine love and prayers that your heart heals quickly.
Secondly, I want you to give genuine thought to why you and this person said goodbye in the first place. There is a reason you broke up and are no longer in each other’s lives.
There is always a reason that people leave our lives, even though saying goodbye is so bitter and the memory is so sweet. There is a reason a door closes: and it’s usually so another one can open.
The good news is, the lessons you learned from that breakup and that relationship will make your next relationship stronger, healthier, and sweeter. Trust me, I know.
Thirdly, and my most important point if you yearn to manifest your ex back (particularly if some time has passed since you were together).
The person you want to manifest back is not the same person now.
Since you’ve been apart, they’ve changed, grown, learned, had new experiences, gained fresh perspectives, and developed new relationships, just as you have.
Your relationship with them this time around will be different to the one you remember, because you’ve both changed. You may find that the connection you shared is not the same this time. That old bond was forged between the people you both were back then.
Either nothing will have changed, or everything will have changed: and either of these things can be a blessing or a curse. So let’s pull this train into the station.
Here’s what you can do if there is a specific person you wish to attract:
From a place of pure intent and non-attachment to any outcome, you can energetically send them love and thoughts of wellbeing and blessing during a meditation.
Consider that the most important things to get clear on first areyour wants and needs for a relationship and the qualities you desire in a partner.
Set an intention to manifest the qualities, feelings, and connection you believe you would gain from being with this person, and then surrender, surrender, surrender, detaching completely from the outcome and staying open to how that list may manifest.
If this person is an energetic match to you, AND ALSO they desire you as much as you desire them, it is possible.
If however your energies are not aligned and their desires move in a different direction, the Universe will bring you someone else who is everything you desire – and who thinks you’re the most incredible being to walk the face of the Earth. Get this article to go by downloading my FREE eBook, Love Witchery - with bonus content including the exact manifestation exercise I used to manifest my (now) husband in 30 days. It’s available free to my mailing list subscribers. Fill your details in the form below to subscribe.
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If you liked this article, you’ll find these useful too:-
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Radical Self Love by Gala Darling He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship by don Miguel Ruiz It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt
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