Do you ever get frustrated because you want to change but it feels like you’re running on a treadmill? No matter how hard you try, life happens.
There’s scheduling conflicts, emergencies, or consistency gets hard, and you look back at the end of a month full of promise to find you’re still at the start?
It feels like the Universe is working against you! You feel stuck, like Sysyphus pushing a stone up hill. Or maybe taking action is the biggest pain in the ass for you, or feels unsustainable.
It’s infuriating, I know.
And I know because I’ve been there, time and again.
Each time I didn’t follow through, something got in the way, or I would do something so counterproductive that even while doing it I was internally yelling at myself to stop, I would feel defeated.
I would be crushing it for a while and then slowly the wheels fell off the wagon and there I was, in the dirt, watching my dreams bump along down the road without me, getting further and further out of reach again.
I’d gather myself up, dust myself off, and run after them again ... and inevitably trip over my own feet and go down once more.
So, I feel you. I get you. I know how frustrated you are, like there must be some missing piece to this change puzzle.
Well, I set off to find it. I reverse engineered the times I made lasting transformational shifts, and I discovered a pattern. I got so excited. This same winning formula for change was replicating itself over and over.
What I learned is there is an Anatomy of Change: a process by which you change your life, or an aspect of your life, which applies to everything.
I did more research, exploring stories of people who made big shifts. These people went from being in massive debt to being wildly wealthy, or from dangerously overweight to their healthiest and fittest selves, for example.
The pattern kept replicating. Even Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Gabby Bernstein and other thought leaders talk about it. I couldn’t unsee it. It was everywhere.
This is what I’m sharing with you today. I’m breaking down the 3 steps to changing your life, the blueprint for co-creating with the Universe to create the life of your dreams.
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How to Change Your Life
Every time I have been able to change my life, it was a team effort. Sure, I had to do my part, but there were days when I was challenged.
There were days when the unexpected happened. There were days when my old habits were exquisitely tempting. And there still are!
The prerequisite to the below steps is to recognize the Universe/God/your higher self is with you always. There will be days when your motivation is nonexistent, you forget why you’re doing this, and it feels way easier to give up.
There are days when the burden of change will feel too great and too big for you. On those days, you need to turn it over to a higher power.
However, it’s not all up to the Universe either: you must be willing to do the push ups, take ownership, make the choices, and take the action that will break you through the chrysalis of transformation.
In other words, it’s not ALL up to the Universe: and it’s also not ALL up to you. It’s a meeting in the middle.
You are NOT the sole creator of your world. It’s not all on your shoulders.
There are a lot of moving parts to life that are outside your control. You cannot possibly predict, micromanage and foresee every variable. You’d be miserable if you tried!
BUT you are also not at the effect of things that happen in your life. You’re not just a feather blowing in the wind at the whim of the Universe, at the cruel mercy of the Fates. Living life this way would make you just as miserable!
It doesn’t work to be a victim just as much as it doesn’t work to be a control freak.
You are co-creating with the Universe. Where you are now is as much as a result of your vibration (thoughts, beliefs, and actions) as it is about all the other stuff moving and flowing through the Universe.
Step 1: Change what you tolerate
Nothing has ever changed for me if I’ve been comfortable where I am. Similarly, nothing ever changed because I felt I “should” do something. Nothing.
Even if I’m uncomfortable, but still more comfortable than change feels, I’m staying plastered to where I am. My comfort zone is “safe” and that stuff out there is “scary”.
I don’t like doing it. Nobody does. Not even life coaches.
As a direct result we all have things in life we’re “putting up with”. It’s not ideal, it doesn’t make us happy, but let’s be honest here. Doing something about it feels like a pain in the ass.
So instead, the thing we’re tolerating eats away at our energy slowly and makes us unhappy. We don’t do anything about it because it’s easier not to.
Eventually, we numb out to it. We’re so good at it we can even convince ourselves it doesn’t bother us.
Some of us get through our whole lives like this. Others of us get a sobering wake up call that becomes a dire impetus for change. It sucks but it’s true: the stick is usually more convincing than the carrot!
This is not to say you need to hit a rock bottom before you can change, but rather that change doesn’t come until you draw your line in the sand and say “Universe, this is what I’m not willing to tolerate anymore. This is what absolutely HAS to change. I don’t care what it takes. I am no longer available for anything less than a healthy body, a better relationship with myself, a man who cherishes me, a career I love, and a bank account with five plus zeroes in it.”
In your declaration to the Universe about your minimums and your standards, you are setting a powerful intention. You have energetically become unavailable for another possibility. This is what sets the Universe in motion.
This is not just about what we tolerate from others, or from what shows up for us, but it’s about the standards we set for our own behaviour too.
Tony Robbins says we don’t change until our “shoulds” become “musts”. When I first heard that I resonated with it so much.
“When you raise your standards and turn “should” into “must,” you are making an inner shift to take control over the quality of your life.” — Tony Robbins
Let me give you an example of two sentences. The first sentence will be a “should” sentence and the other will be a “must” sentence.
I should probably work out today. versus: I MUST do a workout today. It’s non-negotiable.
Which language do you think gets the workout done? Which do you think the Universe moves space and time for? Which one do you think lights a fire under your own butt?
Remember, the Universe doesn’t respond to what you say. It responds to your vibration.
If you’re still at the frequency of wanting to workout, but also wanting to veg out with Netflix, or, wanting to save money, but also Jonesing for new Christian Louboutins, there is incongruence. The Universe works accordingly.
Also, if you haven’t set that intention, it’s way easier (in the moment) to get behind Netflix and Christian Louboutins than the uncomfortable things, right?
Instant gratification will always be shinier than an intangible future IF you haven’t elevated your standards, and made your dream future non-negotiable.
When you change what you’re prepared to tolerate, you tap the energy of BEING the you in the future who already has what you want. When you do that, the Universe must come to the table. It must meet the energy you project.
Therefore, when you have an intention, rather than shoulding it on yourself or pleading with the Universe, rather than staying hopeful things will change, picture yourself stepping up and claiming what’s already yours. It’s all there, it’s all available to you.
When you declare what you want to the Universe and make it known, it’s the Universe’s job to find a way. It’s the Universe’s job to match you with the new frequency of the standard you’ve set.
Step 2: Change what you believe
There’s a caveat to the above step. If the Universe’s job is to shift the energy around you to meet the bar you set, here’s the work you need to do.
Even if you change what you tolerate, if you don’t change the way you speak to yourself and about yourself, if you don’t truly believe you can meet the bar you’ve set, what do you think will happen?
You either won’t bother taking action because you don’t believe it’s possible, or otherwise will do a half assed job, and when it falls through it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, which further strengthens your belief it won’t work, and thus it leads to a cycle of poor potential, poor action, poor outcome, self loathing, lather, rinse repeat.
In other words, in order for change to take place, you have to believe it’s possible and you have to believe in yourself, your gifts, and your strengths.
You have to take action from a place of certainty and faith your dream is possible: more than possible, that it’s already here waiting for you and reality is catching up more each day.
Our subconscious beliefs shape what we focus on, how we perceive reality, how and what we think, how we feel about our experiences, and how we act on those emotions. They are the puppet masters behind the scenes pulling the strings.
If you have a belief that something isn’t possible, that you somehow aren’t good enough for it, or that the odds are not in your favour, chances are you’ve accepted defeat before you’ve even started.
This is the subject of a recent blog post I did that you can read here, but here are the Cliff’s notes.
Remember: words are spells. Be vigilant about how you speak to (and about) yourself, your language around the things you want to manifest, and whatever follows a sentence beginning with “I am”. These are clues pointing in the direction of your beliefs.
Assuming my hallucination that words are spells is true, what spells are you casting with your words? Will they move you toward what you want or will they keep you stuck?
When you believe in yourself, and that what you want is possible and available to you, then nothing can stop you. You will do what it takes. You will rise to meet the new bar every time, because you know you can reach it.
Step 3: Change what you do
Once you change what you tolerate, and start unblocking your beliefs around self worth, taking action becomes the next natural step. It doesn’t feel like hard work because it’s aligned. There’s no hustle and struggle.
You are moving forward with complete congruence of heart and mind, which makes you a universal force to be reckoned with.
This is where synchronicities happen. When you align energetically through your intentions and your subconscious vibration, and take simple baby steps toward your dream, the Universe intervenes on your behalf. It flags things for you: people, places, and opportunities.
Because you are aligned subconsciously, you’ll feel so excited and good about reaching out and taking those things. In fact, you are half expecting them to show up for you! There’s nothing holding you back. Changing a pattern in your life that is holding you back isn’t easy and it isn’t instant. It’s incredible how it happened for me: slowly, and yet wonderfully all at once at the same time. The decision was made in an instant, and from there, reality catches up.
But let me tell you, as someone standing on the other side, it IS possible and I know that if I could do it, you can.
If you have a personal transformation you would like to share, let’s have a chat in the comments below. I would love to hear your story.
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