For Mama

Because …

… sometimes I think you’re the only one who reads this blog, you’ve always been so proud of everything I’ve done and it’s meant more than you could possibly know …

… you have missed countless of nights of sleep because I was sick, frightened, out late, heartbroken, up for a good all night D&M, or because you were so worried about me …

… you are our family’s glue and our backbone and our soul and our heart and our centre …

… home is where you are …

… you have lived and breathed for our family every day for the past 35 years …

… your smile could light up the whole world …

… you taught me to never play small, be unapologetically who I am and go after my dreams …

… you stood back and let me fall and graze my knees, even when you knew it would hurt, because you already saw the lesson I needed to learn.  “A mother isn’t there to lean on but rather to make leaning unnecessary” …

… you have put my broken pieces back together, countless times, in a way only you know how to do …

… your Sunshine Soup is still the only thing that makes me feel better when I’m sick and I swear it’s actually magic …

… you know when something’s wrong even without me having to tell you …

… you know me better than I know myself …

… you have always been my biggest cheerleader, my voice of wisdom, my source of strength …

… you were the first best friend I ever had …

… when I think of you nursing us when we were sick with flus and stomach bugs – you must have caught a few of them, surely – but you never let it show.  You still showed up to be our mama every day with your same bright smile and warmth …

… it must have broken your heart to have watched my struggle with anxiety and depression but you bravely put it to one side and focused on getting me well again …

… I have been brought to my knees, and you’ve jumped into the ring and fought for me until I was strong enough to stand again …

… you have given me everything you had, without condition, without expectation, freely and only because you loved me …

… you have easily spent an accumulative year of your life in and out of hospitals, sitting by our bedsides telling jokes and funny stories to cheer us up even though you were probably worried sick …

… you made my childhood magical, but then, I have a suspicion you’ve always been a little bit magical yourself …

… you knew I hated waking up for school, so you would get up early and make little faces out of toast and pancakes to make me laugh …

… you never minded mess or dirt or chaos – you celebrated it and joined us in it … you would spray dad’s shaving cream all over the mirror so we could do finger paintings, you would let us paint in the house, you would let us cook and bake, you would let us have water fights and food fights and mud pie fights … when it rained, you’d quickly get out our raincoats and our gumboots so we could go outside and find all the biggest, deepest, muddiest puddles to go splashing in … you would let us come home with pockets full of frogs and lizards and birds with broken wings and taught us how to care for them ….

… I still reach for the chamomile and peppermint tea when my stomach is sick … in fact, I owe my tea obsession and love of natural remedies to you …

… you never forced me into one way of finding God but instead made sure I was exposed to all paths to spirituality and allowed me to find my own truth …

… you move heaven and earth for your family and the people you care about every day …

… you know the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when I’ve forgotten the words …

… I was going through a hard time at school with some bullies.  I came home and went to my room.  You’d done a painting of a rainbow and written the lyrics to Cindi Lauper’s True Colours on it … I never forgot it …

… I got the call to say I landed my dream job.  You slipped this note under my bedroom door …

memum4.JPG

… when I thought my heart was broken forever, you held me close and whispered “this too, shall pass”.  And it did …

… every time I smell Nutrimetics Nutri-Rich Oil I remember watching you put it on your skin before a night out … you’d always let me put some on too … I still love that smell …

… you would ride the bus into the city (an hour each way) just so you could spend 40 minutes visiting me on my lunch break …

… I had really bad gastro a few years back.  You scooped me up off the toilet floor, tucked me into bed, put a cold washer on my forehead and sat there and force fed me cups of ice chips, by the teaspoonful, to rehydrate me …

… you have battled through so much and yet you are always smiling and chasing that silver lining …

mothersday.jpg

… I showed up on your doorstep a broken woman countless times with all my stuff in boxes.  You made space in the garage for them, put the kettle on and made up my bed …

… your hugs are the world’s best medicine for everything …

… you were the first person to ever love me …

… you were the first person to even know I existed …

… because of all of these things and so, so many more …

… I love you, mama …

… I want you to know it’s all remembered, appreciated, cherished more than I can put into words …

… Happy Mothers’ Day xo