Manifesting a Specific Person/Getting Your Ex Back Using the Law of Attraction

Image used under Creative Commons.  Credit:  Cristian Newman , .  Image cropped.

Image used under Creative Commons. Credit: Cristian Newman, Image cropped.

Can I use the law of attraction to manifest a specific person?”

It’s literally the most common question about manifestation that I get asked!

You only need to know a thing or two about witchcraft to know that spells to get an ex back or make a particular person head over heels in love with you are the most sought after – and have been for centuries.

This question is juicy and loaded.  There are so many energetics involved, particularly when it comes to love, so we’re going to tackle it once and for all.

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Can you use the law of attraction to manifest a specific person/get your ex back/get him/her to text you?

The answer is an incredibly tentative maybe.

Can you manifest them popping up in your life, contact with them or someone in their circle, or an old flame resurfacing?  If your vibration is an energetic match to theirs, it’s certainly possible. 

But what about manifesting a romantic relationship with someone?  It’s difficult ground to cover.  It’s a question of how their energetics matches your own, some important things to consider from a manifestation and a self love perspective, and how this works with the principles of manifestation.

Let’s dive into the energetics.


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You Can Only Manifest an Intention from YOUR own energy

You can only manifest an intention from your energy, and you cannot manifest for someone else, meaning that you cannot use your energy to directly influence the free will of another human being, or directly influence the course of someone else’s life.

It’s going to be struggle street the whole way along if you try to manifest a feeling out of someone, because whether we’re talking about the law of attraction or basic psychology, you cannot force someone to feel a certain way, or to have contact with you if they aren’t ready or willing to.

Love is like passing gas.  If you try to force it, you’ll just make a mess.

Imagine the energy you would feel of being in a room because you were forced or felt like for some reason you “should” be there, rather than the energy you would feel of being in a room because there was nowhere else in the world you wanted to be more.


The number #1 most important thing when it comes to manifesting love

Here’s something I really wish I could go back in time and tell myself in my teens, and even in my 20s:

Girlfriend, the absolute non-negotiable, #1 thing that should be AT THE TOP of your list when it comes to manifesting your dream partner is that they are 150% head over heels batshit crazy in love, smitten, twitterpated with you!!!!!!

Not in like a crazy Fatal Attraction way, more like in a sweet The Notebook kind of way.

If I had a dollar for every tear I’ve wasted on boys who wouldn’t even look up when I entered a room, I would be writing this from my mansion in the Hollywood Hills.

And then I met my husband, who couldn’t resist approaching me as I was stuffing my mouth full of licorice jellybeans (blue teeth and all) and we have been inseparable ever since.

The love you deserve – NO EXCEPTIONS – is the love that comes to you of its own free will, freely, abundantly, and unconditionally.

You are worthy of that.  You deserve that!  Anything less is a waste of your time, your energy, and your heart.

If you have to work to convince a person to be with you, they’re the wrong person for you!

And so really, when it comes to calling in your lover, the most important thing is to be aligned with that knowing and certainty of your worth and what you have to bring to the table.  Because let me tell you, you have the gold, honey, and a lot of it!

Sure, love requires both parties to make compromises from time to time, or to correct behaviour that is hurtful to the other, or to have healthy boundaries. HOWEVER: You don’t have to change anything to “fit” someone else.  You don’t have to be anybody you’re not.  The Universe wants to bring you someone who loves you for YOU, just as you are.  It wants to align you with the person who is BEST for you, what you want, the direction you’re heading in life, and your growth.

It’s not your job to judge the how and the who

When you set an intention to the Universe, it’s true that you’ve got to get specific about what you want! Buuuuut the how and the who is not up to you!

When you’re writing your list (after you’ve written at the top ‘my lover is 150% head over heels batshit crazy in love with me’), think about this specific person in your crosshairs right now.

  • What are his/her qualities that I love?

  • What is it about his/her physical appearance that sets my heart on fire?

  • (if it’s your ex, a close friend) What kind of relationship/connection did we share?  What was it about our lifestyle together that I miss and want back?

  • What kind of relationship would we have in the future?

Now, forget about that specific person for a second. 

It’s time to think about you.  Remember you?

What do YOU want in a romantic partner?  How do YOU envision the perfect relationship and future for that relationship?  How do you want to be supported?  Loved?  Encouraged to grow?

Do your best to put this specific person out of your mind.  When we get hung up on someone, sometimes we can tend to (even subconsciously) try to pigeonhole and squish ourselves into the shape of what they want in a partner and a relationship and tell ourselves we want those things too.

But really?  We don’t want those same things and being that person they would want us to be would lead to us being unhappy because we’re trying to be someone we’re not.

So who are you, what do YOU want from your life and your relationship, and what does that look like?

What are your deal breakers and your non-negotiables?  (Craft your response in positive terms e.g. instead of “it’s a deal breaker if he doesn’t want to commit”, say “he is ready for marriage and commitment”.)

What you want and need from a relationship is every bit as important as the wants and needs of anybody else on this planet!  So, don’t censor and allow that ink to flow as you write your list.

Now, think about for what purpose you want that person and their energy in your life.

  • What would it give me to have all of those things?

  • What kind of person would I be in that relationship?

  • What feelings do I associate with that?

That feeling is your core intention!  That is what you are really chasing.  It’s not, in fact, that specific person themselves (although right now I know it seems that way, and that is okay for now).  It’s the feeling you felt when you were with them, or the feeling you think you are going to have when they enter your life.

So why not feel that way right now?  If in this scenario you envision he buys you flowers, buy your own hot ass some flowers!  If she compliments you and tells you how she feels about you, be around people in your life who lift you up.  Tell yourself in the mirror every day what you wish your dream lover would say to you.  (Option: Alternatively, or in addition, pay genuine compliments to others when you feel called, and make sure to tell the people in your life how you feel every day.)

The most liberating day of my life was the day I realised I don’t need a romantic partner in order to feel loved, romanced, and fulfilled.  It’s a journey, but I promise it’s worth it.

When you are in a place of alignment, if that specific person at that stage of their life, is a perfect  energetic match for what you are calling in AND ALSO it is their own true desire to reconnect with you, completely independent of your influence, it’s possible they may reappear.

HOWEVER if they are not an energetic/vibrational match for you, they likely won’t reappear.  But that’s okay, because ...

There is more than one person for everybody!

I feel like the words “soul mates” and “twin flames” get thrown around a lot these days.

It’s dangerous ground, because these terms get misconstrued, and what ends up happening is this lack mentality, where we get tunnel vision and see only one possibility for our happiness.

Our “soul mate” or “twin flame” becomes a vehicle for our fulfillment, and this is dangerous at best and downright destructive at worst – whether you end up with them, or not.

Because if all of a sudden the relationship breaks down, or Gods forbid, one of you dies, does that mean the other is doomed to live out the rest of their lives on their own?

Of course not!

I’m going to do another post in more detail about this, but a soul mate isn’t just a romantic partner: our friends can be our soul mates, our siblings can be our soul mates,  our pets can be our soul mates, even our nemeses can be our soul mates.

A soul mate is a soul we have had a connection to in a past life and/or another dimension, or some schools of thought (if you want to get really deep) suggest a soul mate is another incarnation of our own soul.  We’re naturally extremely attracted to our soul mates and feel a close affinity to them, because we recognise them through our soul attachment.  That’s why we can meet someone and feel as if we’ve known them for lifetimes.

Soul mates exist to help each other through soul assignments: lessons our soul must learn and understand in each carnation, or experiences our soul must have through which to grow.  Sometimes, those lessons are beautiful and uplifting, and soul mates stay joined together through this lifetime.

Other times, soul mates exist in this lifetime long enough to teach us something important we need to learn or to give us an experience, and then they move on. 

It doesn’t make the connection any less special or significant just because it ended.  We may be meant to be with someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re meant to be with them forever.  There is a difference!

We can have more than one soul mate in our lifetime: in fact, we may have several!

There are infinite possibilities in the Universe, and as of typing this post, there are 7.7 billion people on the planet right now.  Close to 8 BILLION people.

Isn’t it possible that maybe – just maybe – more than one, in fact, more like more than 100 of them, could be the right one for you?

Believing that there is only one possible romantic future where you can possibly be happy is a limiting belief in disguise.  It actually conceals a mentality of lack: it’s essentially saying to the Universe that there is only one possible way it can work out.

And if you do end up attracting that person: it’s a lot of pressure to put on them – and on yourself.  You’ll do all kinds of crazy shit wanting it to work, because if it doesn’t, what are you supposed to do now? They deserve better than that, and so do you!

Which leads me to my next point...

Your happiness is not in a person

Whether you want to call in someone specific or whether you just want to call in love in general, I cannot drum it home enough:

If your happiness is conditional upon a circumstance external to you, you are setting yourself up for disaster and heartbreak.

NOBODY in this world is responsible for your happiness EXCEPT you.  It is not their job.

Used under Creative Commons.  Image credit:  Kelli McClintock ,

Used under Creative Commons. Image credit: Kelli McClintock,

Your job is to take care of your happiness FIRST and then bring that brightest, best self to the world: to your job, to your lover, to your family, and your friends, and your community.

If you cannot feel happiness as you are, where you are, then nothing that comes into your life will make you happy long term.

Because spoiler alert: you’ll just keep raising the bar.

I know, because I could write the book on living with “I’ll Be Happy When...” Syndrome. (Maybe I will.)

As a recovering depressed/anxious person, here’s something really important I’ve learned along the way:

Your happiness is not in a person, a promotion, a paycheck, a house, or someone else’s approval.

Happiness is an inside job! It comes from within you, and it is up to you to take care of it, cultivate it, and bring it with you wherever you go.

To do that, you have to take care of YOU first.  You have to do what lights you up, what makes you feel good, and what brings you happiness in each moment.

First of all, it’s attractive as all hell: not just to romantic partners, but to your life and the Universe too.

Second of all: it’s freeing. Because if other people are not responsible for your happiness, you aren’t responsible for theirs.

You are free to be who you are, love the shit out of everyone, and live your life the way you want to, and it’s up to everyone else if they come to the party.

When you are just happy being you and doing your thing, that’s when the real magic happens.

Detach from the outcome

Your crush might text you.  Your ex may come back.  And they also might not.

And you will be okay.

Because the Universe has your intention, it has your list, and it is shifting the energy all around you to bring you an iteration of your list so perfect it will blow your socks off.  I promise you that it’s going to be more fulfilling, amazing, and transformative than you could have possibly imagined and it will happen at the right time for you and where you are in your journey.

In the meantime, practice detachment.  Take yourself on dates.  Soak in bubble baths.  Journal.  Hit the gym, hang out with your friends, and make sure you’re out there having a delicious time while the Universe fills your order.

Remember, it’s not your job to know the who and the how and the when.  It’s your job to know the what, to make it clear to the Universe, and then just keep on living.  It will sort out the rest: and there are probably dozens, if not hundreds, of people out there in the world who would fit everything on your list to the tee.

I mean, for all you know, the person who is a perfect match for you right now might not be this person you have in mind, but it could be Chris Evans.  It could be Bradley Cooper.  You never know.  Stay open! 

A last word on exes

I promised myself that this would only be a short post, but you know by now that I love writing War and Peace every time I sit down at my laptop and to be honest, I could write a lot more.  Let me know if you’d like me to write a Part 2.

However, before I leave you, I just wanted to give a specific shout out to my readers who want to call in an ex.

Whether it happened an hour ago, or a year ago, your journey is unique to you and if you’re here, I’m guessing it’s been a delicate and/or painful one.  Without knowing you personally, or the nature of your connection/relationship/breakup with your ex, let me first of all send you my genuine love and prayers that your heart heals quickly. 

Secondly, I want you to give genuine thought to why you and this person said goodbye to each other in the first place.

There is a reason you broke up and are not in each other’s lives anymore.

There is always a reason that people move out of our lives, even though saying goodbye is so bitter and the memory is so sweet.  There is a reason a door closes: and it’s usually so another one can open, and the lessons you learned from that breakup and that relationship are going to make your next relationship stronger, healthier, and sweeter.  Trust me, I know.

Thirdly, and my last and most important point I want you to consider if you yearn to manifest your ex back (particularly if some time has passed since the two of you were last together).

The person you want to call back in is not the same person now that they were when you were together.

They have changed, grown, had new life experiences, gained fresh perspectives, and developed new relationships and friendships, just as you have.

Your relationship with them this time around would be very different, because you are a different person now, and so are they.  You may find that the connection you had with them is not the same this time around, because the old bond was forged between the people you both were back then.

Either nothing will have changed, or everything will have changed: and this either of these things can be a blessing or a curse.


So let’s pull this train into the station.

Here’s what you can do if there is a specific person you wish to attract:

  • From a place of pure intent and non-attachment to any outcome, you can energetically send them love and thoughts of wellbeing and blessing during a meditation.

  • Consider that your wants and needs for a relationship and the qualities you desire in a partner are just as important, if not more so, to get clarity on first.

  • You can set an intention to manifest the qualities, feelings, and connection you perceive you would have with this person if you were in a relationship with them, and then surrender, surrender, surrender, detaching completely from the outcome and staying open to how that list may manifest.

If this person is an energetic match to you, AND ALSO they desire you as much as you desire them, it is possible.

If however your energies are not aligned and their desires move in a different direction, the Universe will bring you someone else who is everything you desire – and who thinks you’re the most incredible being to walk the face of the Earth.


Whether you want to call in your soul mate, you dream job, or a new hair straightener, I share the formula for manifestation that works for me every time in my manifestation course, Core.  It’s available free to my mailing list subscribers.  Fill your details in the form below to subscribe.

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